


Numb

by Chemi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chemi/pseuds/Chemi
Summary: Victor was going and going and going.He fell hard multiple times.And by the bruises forming on his delicate skin, this had been going on for a while.Victor fell particularly hard, landing on his knees.But this time he didn't get back up.He stayed kneeled on the ice.He looked defeated.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive any spelling/grammar errors. I'm quite tired when I wrote this. I will do a edit it in the morning.

It had been happening his entire life.  
It wasn't as intense at a young age, but it gradually increased with every year passing by.  
It was what motivated him to skate to begin with.  
Gliding on the ice made the numb feeling fade; his emotions pouring out with every jump.  
But then it reached its worst.  
He was constantly numb, feeling dead inside.  
He went through routines as it silently ate at him; sometimes not even the ice could aid his suffering.  
Then Yuuri happened.  
It wasn't an instant fix, but he found over time that the Japanese beauty made him FEEL again.  
The dissociated feelings turned into rare episodes.  
So when Victor cracked his eyes open bright and early Saturday morning, he was stunned.  
The feeling was there.  
Why?  
It had been so long since his last....attack.  
Whatever was happening to him.  
It took his breath away.  
As if on cue, Victors ears were met with the sounds of Yuuri's alarm down the hall.  
It was time to get ready for practice.  
Makkachin whined, moving to snuggle into Victors side.  
The effort to raise his hand to comfort his companion made him question how he was going to get out of bed.  
But Yuuri was fumbling down the hall, knocking on Victors door.  
"You awake?"  
Victor squeezed his eyes shut and gathered all his strength.  
"Yeah. I'll meet you downstairs."  
Foot steps faded away.

\-------

Victor was more relived than Yuuri when practice was finally over.  
They had been at it all day, trying to get Yuuri to perform clean crisp jumps.  
With each passing moment, Victor felt farther and farther away from his surroundings. Makkachin wasn't there to ground him even slightly.  
Yuuri noticed.  
"Are you okay Vitya?"  
Victor blinked before pulling a small smile.  
"I am tired, but I'm okay. How are you feeling Yuuri?"  
Defuse and deflect.  
"Good- tired- but good. Let's go home and get dinner."  
Success.

Victor tried to act more lively during their meal, his dog sticking to his side the moment Yuuri and him had reached home.  
Makkachin had been around when it had gotten severe, could tell when Victor wasn't okay.  
...why wasn't he okay?  
What's wrong?  
He didn't have an answer  
"You boys look exhausted. You should get some rest early."  
They did just that.  
"Night Yuuri." Victor said gently, closing his door before the other could respond.  
But Victor couldn't sleep.  
He felt like he was drowning in his skin.  
He couldn't take it anymore.  
Once he was sure everybody was asleep he tugged on his shoes, gave Makkachin a reassuring pat, and exited out into the cold Japanese air.  
It was snowing lightly, but it didn't faze him as he walked the glowingly familiar path.  
The rink was closed and pitch black, but he had spare keys.  
He was locked in the heart crushing daze as he secured his skates to his feet.  
He was in his sweat pants and a sleep shirt but it didn't matter.  
He had to skate.  
Now.  
As soon as the skate touched the ice he was off.  
He flung himself into his hardest programs, even started drafting a new one.  
The bruises on his body formed rapidly but he continued to shove himself back upright and continue without hesitation.  
It was going to be a long night.

\----  
Yuuri groaned, pulling his blankets tighter.  
But that noise didn't stop.  
A light bark and scratching convinced him to leave the warmth to open the bedroom door.  
Makkachin was whining desperately, which woke Yuuri up almost immediately.  
Once he found out calming down the anxious dog wasn't an option, he shuffled to Victors room.  
But the door was cracked.  
And the bed was empty.  
Makkachin whimpered at his feet.  
He knew something was wrong earlier.

\-----

When Yuuri reached the rink the bright lights confirmed his theory.  
Victor was skating.  
He entered silently, not wanting to startle his coach.  
But his heart broke at the sight.

Victor was going and going and going.  
He fell hard multiple times.  
And by the bruises forming on his delicate skin, this had been going on for a while.  
Victor fell particularly hard, landing on his knees.  
But this time he didn't get back up.  
He stayed kneeled on the ice.  
He looked defeated.  
And Yuuri felt tears form at the sound of painful crying.  
He pulled on his own skates quickly and slid out onto the ice.  
Victor didn't even realize what was happening until he was engulfed by warmth.  
Lovely warmth.  
When had he gotten so cold?  
He weakly looked up.  
"Y-Yuuri?"  
Yuuri gave a gentle squeeze, pulling Victor into his lap when he let out a sob.  
The amount of time they stayed in that position on the ice was unknown, but Yuuri was shivering when he managed to wrap his arms around Victors torso and guide them both to their feet.  
Victor winced, clinging onto Yuuri's arms as they exited the rink.  
As the skates came off, the sight of Victors raw feet caused a new wave of agony throughout Yuuri.  
The walk home was silent, but Yuuri didn't let him go for a second.  
The moment they arrived the younger of the two was striping them into fresh clothes.  
Victor didn't object, letting Yuuri take care of his abused body.  
It wasn't until they were both under the covers, Makkachin at the end of the bed, that Yuuri spoke.  
It was a simple,  
"I love you Vitya."  
But it was enough to cause a new round of tears.  
Yuuri's arms were around him once again, as if to protect him from whatever pain was hurting him.  
"You're going be okay. You don't have to talk now. It's okay. Whenever your ready. I'm here for you. You're safe here."  
And yeah, Victor meant it with all his heart when he whispered out a small, "I love you to..."


End file.
